Boo-yah! Resumé.

[zdashamber]

So why, you might be wondering, has it been two months with barely a peep from Madeline?

I will allow this bit o' dialog to elucidate:

How about an eleven-hour workday? How'd'ya like them apples?!
Me: I do not like those apples at all.

Clarification: only one day was 11 hours. And I think it was the day when rikibeth worked for 26 hours straight, so.

Late October my boss went out on disability for pregnancy without warning. (And it's not like this is the kind of thing you don't see coming... I mean, this is her second kid, same thing happened last time, the pain builds slowly... I mean, even if you're not going to alert me to the likely date your doctor will send you to bed rest, you could, y'know, maybe put your stuff in order behind my back, or something...)

Two full-time jobs, one meager paycheck! Boo-yah!

But hey, this LJ is about light things, right?

So. In an exercise in too little, too late, I get to hire a part-time minion. I'd be enjoying the vast power, no doubt, but I don't have time for enjoying things anymore. I just want to get the fucking thing over with so there's someone who can maybe help!

I note that a lot of you guys are thinking about getting another job, and in case you're interested, these are the things I'm noticing as a person who gets to hire people...


1. What the fuck is the filename of your resumé? Judging from my experience, it's fucking "resume.doc". resume.doc 1, resume.doc 2, resume.doc 3, resume.doc 4, resume.doc 5, I could go on, kapeesh, fuckers?!

2. Whoa. Maybe I need a beer or something. I think the upshot of point 1 is, put your name on fucking everything. "resume-bob-blalock.doc", please god! "Bob Blalock - Application for Job Posting #389238". "cover-letter-bob-blalock.doc". "Clearly," I would think if I ever got such a trifecta of resumé, e-mail title, and cover letter, "this Bob Blalock has half a brain and probably is meticulous too. Right to the top of the stack!"

3. I don't really care if the cover letter is separate from the application e-mail, but it might be better if it wasn't. In fact, one guy sent in the application e-mail with the cover letter in it and also the resumé... Just plain text, all there, no clicking necessary. Which is nice, since the HR lady sends me all the application e-mails boiled into some hideous Outlook proprietary format that I can only open on two computers in the entire lab, both of which A. aren't mine and B. are usually in use by other people and C. require a special trip to visit—dear god! Anyway. So, I'd suggest, in plain text in the application e-mail write your cover letter, then below that "In case the attachment gets damaged, here is my resumé in plain text:", and then also attach the fancy pretty Word version of your resumé.

4. The cover letter is important! Explain why you're psyched about the possibility you'd get this specific job, and your skills and background prepare you for it. If the general thrust of your resumé is in some other direction, acknowledge that offhandedly so I know you're not accidentally replying to the wrong listing, a la, "although in the past I have been more focused on biomechanics, I am fascinated by the possibilty of broadening my understanding of..."

     a. Don't be a pushy ass! I don't want to have to work with a pushy ass, so don't presume I owe you an interview, punk.
     b. Stuff that stood out to me as good was a person who wrote that she wanted to work in a friendly environment, or some wording like that... Yeah, that's my hope, too. Please be a friendly person, O future hire who I'll be stuck with for 6 months until my boss returns...
     c. Also, write about how you're thrilled to ask for help if you don't understand how to do something.

5. Any punctuation mistakes in the cover letter = trashed application! From my years on the internet, I'd say about 95% of people who can't punctuate are morons. And I can't devolve bits of my job onto a moron, friendly and nice as you may be otherwise. Also, I'd reckon about 80% of people who can't spell are morons, too, so don't make your application really easy to throw out, eh?

6. On that note: interests. The guy who had among his number one interests "political debate"? Um, hell no. If it's not an interest that applies to the job (like, in my case, needlepoint. Doesn't anyone do needlepoint anymore? Or play some musical instrument? I need hand-eye coordination, people!), or an interest that would be fun to talk about at lunch, leave it the fuck off your resumé. You know what a really good interest would be? "Baking". Or "making caramel." The potential employee who might bring in cookies goes immediately to the top of the stack. And honestly, you get hired and just maybe twice bring in chocolate chip cookies from the pre-made batter they sell in chunks at the store, and I'll feel my choice was wise. So, basically, lie! I'm easily bribed! ...Anyway. One guy got called for an interview because he had a travel section listed where there was something like "Travelled overland from London to Tokyo, 2002-2003." That sounded like someone with neat stories, who was probably pretty capable of dealing with the unexpected.

Alright, that's all I can think of right now. I'm going to go eat more slightly rancid Chinese leftovers. Maybe I'll go out on disability, too. Then they'll all be sorry. Oh yes.

Comments

Re: The real dilemna

[zdashamber.livejournal.com]

Hee! Man, some people where I work study marijuana, but not like that...