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I saw "The Da Vinci Code" tonight, and it was bad. 2.5 hours of bad, boring, pointless, stupid story about gutless lackwits who speak in exposition and never heard about being protagonists. Music that exists only to smack you in case you're missing what's going by at nigh-snail speeds. Lemme put it to you like this:
Jean Reno was the only good thing about Godzilla the American version. Godzilla the American version was the worst movie of the last millenium. In the Da Vinci Code, even Jean Reno sucks.
There is no reason you should see this movie, and if you haven't read the book, you have the chance to save three hours of your life from horrible sucking blithering. So there's no reason whatsoever I should cut this for spoilers.
( Read more... )Speaking of which, I don't support affirmative action for the rich. See, when you encourage people to pass on obscene sums of money to their children by not taxing it murderously, it means that totally unqualified people take the spots that could go to someone who worked hard for that wealth. The achievements of worthy rich people are buried, because everyone assumes that the rich person they see blew their brains out with coke by age 20 and doesn't grasp the difference between "lacking Prada" and "lacking shoes". Sure, the rich had some troubles in the past, but that's all history, and I think we can all agree that these days they have a level playing field to start on.
Also, will someone stick some rebar into Tom Hank's face? It literally looks like it's about to slide off his mulleted head into a slimy pile.
The movie is so boring you find yourself noting tiny details, which are uniformly irritating. She didn't bring her purse, did she? Where is she finding the makeup to keep her lips so outline-y in that ugly shade of plum? Does London ever get warm enough for her to be walking around with her blouse open to the ribcage? Couldn't she stop by a kiosk and buy some shoes she could run in?
( Read more... )
It's hard to say if the movie was stupider than the book. Only thing that didn't suck donkey balls: Alfred Molina. And he was merely good, not particularly interesting or redeeming. If you go to this movie thinking "Oh, Ian McKellen, at least that won't be too bad!" you are due to be sorely mistaken.
I spent a lot of time rolling my eyes, but when I would look back, each shot kept on keepin' on for another dreary quarter-minute. Except for the one action scene, the car chase at the beginning when they did the cheap, assy 500-cuts-and-no-niftiness thing.
It's really, really bad.
Jean Reno was the only good thing about Godzilla the American version. Godzilla the American version was the worst movie of the last millenium. In the Da Vinci Code, even Jean Reno sucks.
There is no reason you should see this movie, and if you haven't read the book, you have the chance to save three hours of your life from horrible sucking blithering. So there's no reason whatsoever I should cut this for spoilers.
( Read more... )Speaking of which, I don't support affirmative action for the rich. See, when you encourage people to pass on obscene sums of money to their children by not taxing it murderously, it means that totally unqualified people take the spots that could go to someone who worked hard for that wealth. The achievements of worthy rich people are buried, because everyone assumes that the rich person they see blew their brains out with coke by age 20 and doesn't grasp the difference between "lacking Prada" and "lacking shoes". Sure, the rich had some troubles in the past, but that's all history, and I think we can all agree that these days they have a level playing field to start on.
Also, will someone stick some rebar into Tom Hank's face? It literally looks like it's about to slide off his mulleted head into a slimy pile.
The movie is so boring you find yourself noting tiny details, which are uniformly irritating. She didn't bring her purse, did she? Where is she finding the makeup to keep her lips so outline-y in that ugly shade of plum? Does London ever get warm enough for her to be walking around with her blouse open to the ribcage? Couldn't she stop by a kiosk and buy some shoes she could run in?
( Read more... )
It's hard to say if the movie was stupider than the book. Only thing that didn't suck donkey balls: Alfred Molina. And he was merely good, not particularly interesting or redeeming. If you go to this movie thinking "Oh, Ian McKellen, at least that won't be too bad!" you are due to be sorely mistaken.
I spent a lot of time rolling my eyes, but when I would look back, each shot kept on keepin' on for another dreary quarter-minute. Except for the one action scene, the car chase at the beginning when they did the cheap, assy 500-cuts-and-no-niftiness thing.
It's really, really bad.