In which I actually post a meme,

...instead of just finding the info and then sitting on it because I can't be arsed. Man, that file's getting big. But since I was just poking around LJ looking at Holmes stuff, and came back to find that amberdiceless had posted this, it was just too inducing-of-face-hiding-giggles to miss:

List five fictional people -- from television, movies, books, whatever -- that you had a crush on as a child (or early teens). Then post this on your LiveJournal so other people can be assured that you're as weird as they thought.

1. Sherlock Holmes.
     EOL.

2. The druid from the _Sword of Shannara_ books. What was his name? (googling) Allanon. Oh, dear.
     Dear dear dear dear dear. Um.

3. Batman, from the animated series.
     I guess I was coming up with fanfiction in my head more than a decade before I knew what it was...

4. Gambit, from the X-Men.
     Me1: Did I really? Aw, man... ::face red::
     Me2: By the "fan art" metric, the answer must be yes.
     Me1: But it was the early 90s! All "cool" mutants had those cheekbone-enhancing balaclavas!
     Me2: I submit that it is likely that you are misremembering.

5. Egon, from The Real Ghostbusters, the animated series taking off from the movie.
     Oh, absolutely. Tall skinny brainy socially ill-at-ease guys? Bring it.

(no subject)

Ok, so I considered going out, but instead I felt more like staying in and reading the zoning laws of the City of Oakland.

No, really. This stuff is golden. For instance:

6.04.350 Squirrels.

It is unlawful for any person to import into the city, or to sell or expose for sale or exchange or deliver or distribute, within the city, any ground squirrel or other squirrels. (Prior code § 3-9.31)

You know what that means? It means someone, somewhere, at some point of time in America, Distressed a Municipality by his Utilization of Squirrels. To which I can say only:

Rock on.

Pure gold

5.70.030 Pickle manufacturing.

It is unlawful for any person to store within the limits of any one block in the city, more than one thousand (1,000) gallons of pickles or vegetables produced in the course of preparation therefor, unless the same be kept in water-tight casks, tanks, bottles or jars securely closed; ...

I swear to god there's a game in there somewhere. "Ha-ha! You thought you had me, but as you can see, there are only 900 1-gallon casks of pickles in this block!" "Curse you! I'll have you yet!"

... or for any person to engage in the business, or assist in the business, of manufacturing pickles within the limits of the city; provided, that the provisions of this section shall not apply to the storage or manufacture of pickles within the limits of that portion of the city bounded on the south and west by the southern and western boundary lines of the city, and on the north and east by ...

"We shall see if your vinegar-soaked debauchery survives the appearance of a map!"

... a line running along the northern line of the Southern Pacific mole from the western boundary of the city to an intersection with the northern line of the lands of the Central Pacific Railroad Company; thence along the northern line of the lands of the Central Pacific Railroad Company to its intersection with the centerline of Third Street; thence along the centerline of Third Street to the centerline of Lewis Street; thence along the centerline of Lewis Street, extended southerly to the centerline of First Street extended westerly; thence easterly along the centerline of First Street extending westerly and along the centerline of First Street to the centerline of Oak Street; thence southerly along the centerline of Oak Street extended southerly to the southern boundary line of the city. (Prior code § 5-13.03)

"...Um... ...'mole'?"

So far as I can tell, I, alas, do not live in a free-pickling zone of Oakland. I shall have to be content with 1000 gallons of pickles or less. Dejection is mine. If only I was 3 blocks west, safely over the border into Emeryville! ...Better go check their zoning laws. ehee hee hee hee!...

Alright, this is the last one, I swear

9.08.070 Masks and disguises.

It is unlawful for any person in the city to appear in public in any mask, cap, cowl, hood or other thing concealing the identity of the wearer; excepting, however, persons attending or taking part in carnivals conducted in accordance with law or under permission of the proper authorities of the city and persons holding a written permit to so conceal their identity, which permit is issued by the Chief of Police. (Prior code § 3-4.06)

Imagine a person who carries a written permit from the Chief of Police to conceal their identity. Fascinating!

But I have tried your patience long enough, gentlefolk, and so I leave you for the evening with the invitation to peruse at your leisure the fantastic convolutions of the Oakland Municipal Code.

Ohno!

Alas! Ossie Davis was found dead this morning. He apparently had a pretty darn good life, but still; I really liked him in Bubba Ho-Tep, and I'd've loved to have seen more movies coming from him.


RIP, man.